The Velvet Vulva

My post today was going to be about the horrors of internet dating, but the friend whose story i was retelling had a change of heart. So I will present some horrors of internet shopping.

That's a random lesbian pulp fiction graphic, only vaguely connected with fashion, but I know my Minx loves the pulp.

I can't decide whether these things are really cool, or really gross: Velvet Vulvas. This chick makes these giant velvet vulvas as purses. This could be a cool reference to the fact that apparently the word pussy once meant purse, but I don't know about that. The maker also says that these things are embued with positive female energy and give it off in a healing way. That beats what most of the artifical vulvas I know of are 'embued with'. Let's just say it usually has to do beating, and with men who lack the company of women, and is alleged to be 90 calories a tablespoon. So we used to say at my old Catholic HS for girls, anyway, also known as Our Lady of the Demi-Virgin.
She also informs us helpfully and without even a hint of irony that what we choose to put in our Velvet Vulvas has great magical or emotional significance, to which I reply, Only sometimes, honey. She cautions that such objects need to be appropriately sized, and to that I say, Amen, sister.

The purses are really funny--here's one: And here's another where the maker assures us that, while the body is vinyl (!) , for better wear (!), the rest is not. Thanks, I think.

Touchingly, one may also get a Velvet Vulva Valentine, or even a Velvet Vulva in a frame. Happy shopping! The Evil Lynxxx blesses you, and asks you to consider carefully which objects you'll place in your velvet vulva. Remember, objects may be smaller than they appear.